InsaneJournal

Current mood:	nostalgic
Current music:	Maria Mena (bad idea)

Just another useless letter I'll never send
Dear __________,
I don't think I'll ever stop. I don't think I'll ever be over you. I don't think I'll ever not worry about you and your well being. I don't think I'll ever forgive myself for what I did. I don't think I'll ever forgive you for what you did. I don't think I'll ever just be done.
I'm crying over you again.
I was doing so well. I was fine. I dealt with it, I moved on, and here I am again.
I said goodbye a handful of times and I always end up calling again. I wrote letters, I had a funeral for our relationship, I burned things, I buried things, I did it all. But I didn't dispose of it all and I can't. I can't let it all go. Even if I were to abandon the material possessions you'd still be in the back of my head.
I always break the goddam wound back open just for you to tell me I'm wrong to use your lord's name in vein. I leave and I always come back. I'm like a fucking dog that ran away from home. For the longest time I came back and you let me in, but for quite some time now you've had the door locked. Why am I still tempted to try the knob? Why am I still wishing you'd just call me? Even if I got in, even if you called; you're not you. The boy I loved is gone. The boy I love is gone.
It always comes back to you. Everything comes back to you. Rightly so. You were everything. You were my first. You were mine and I was yours.
Is it really better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all? Is it really worth it to be relentlessly haunted by the happiest times of my life? We've been apart now as long as we were together and I still can't escape you.
It's fall. You loved fall. The day I realized my heart was truly yours was a brilliantly lit day in fall.
Why do I do this? Why can't I just let you go? Why can't you just come back?
Why do I ask questions that I don't want the answer to?

I have to stop writing before I break down again.
I wish you well.

Sincerely,
Andrea