InsaneJournal

Current location:	Home
Current mood:	confused
Current music:	Lou Reed

Smoking and New York
I smoked a cigarette on Thursday at 3 in the morning before we left for New York. I chewed nicotine gum that I bought off of Marissa on Thursday and Friday. Saturday I completely went without nicotine (even though I had gum in my pocket) until I hit mom's cigarette ONCE at about 9 pm. I passed out on the couch at about 10 and got back up Sunday morning around 5:30. It's 6:30 and I just walked in from smoking a half a cigarette. I hate myself a little bit. I sat my ass in the freezing cold and felt my lungs shrivel up and my weezing start again. I tossed it at the halfway mark and resisted the urge to run after it. Did I mention that I hate myself right now?
I'm sick of needing it. I'm sick of wanting it. I think needing something unnecessary is fucking stupid. I really hate myself for having started in the first place. This is so much harder than I had thought it would be. I want to go around warning children not to do things that they'll regret later, but I know that no one would listen. You never understand this sort of thing until it's far too late.

In any event; NEW YORK WAS AMAZING. It's so beautiful. There's so much to take in. I took a lot of pictures but it's really one of those cities that you can't understand just from seeing pictures. There's this electric flow that I've never felt before. The city gets you high.
SO MUCH WALKING though. Oh my god. It really gets to you when you try and walk up two flights of stairs on the third day.
God, there's so much that I still haven't even taken in. It's amazing.
Right now though I think I need to go and lay back down. Maybe I'll ramble later.