InsaneJournal

It's been awhile
I never update on here anymore. At first I was telling myself that it was because I didn't know what to say or I didn't have anything to say at all. I know better than that now. I have plenty to say. My mind is OVERFLOWING with things to say... I just don't have the balls to say any of it. If I open my mouth then everyone is going to figure out that I'm not half as stable as I claim to be. Maybe stable is the wrong word. I don't know the words anymore. I'm stable, I'm fine, I'm actually quite happy. The problem though is that (as always) I can't make up my mind on ANYTHING. It's getting worse. And it doesn't make sense that an opinionated person like myself can't make decisions, but it's possible, I promise. It's going on now. I don't know what the hell I want. I know what I don't want, so I can knock all of that off the list, but there's still a billion possibilities after that. I don't know, I'm rambling. I'm always rambling. If you're planning on reading this whole update then you might as well get used to it.
I don't know where I left off in here. I don't feel like reading my last update. So if I'm repeating or recapping anything just skim over it, I won't be offended. Hell, I don't even know if anyone reads this anymore. ::shrug:: I'm gonna write anyway. I'm in a typing mood.
I'm sitting on my aunt beth's couch. My mom and I are in Georgia for a week because my grandfather died. We're staying at Beth's. We're home alone a lot because Beth doesn't get home until 7-ish, Rachael gets picked up from work after she gets out, and Beth's husband Gene is gone Monday-Friday. So yeah, it's 10 on a friday morning and I'm sitting in my pajamas updating my ij. FUN SHIT.
Rachael's the shit. I'm sharing a room with her for the week. She's not even a blanket hog =D
Tonight she's taking me out so i can see how these southern kids party. Wooooh! I met her boyfriend this morning. He takes her to school and he overslept today so they skipped first period and just hung out with us for a little while. She woke me up and shit. I had to walk out and meet him in my pjs and bedhead. LOVELY. He seems like a nice guy. He's like off the boat German, accent and all. I think it's cute because she's mexican. They're both out of place together. I don't like him though. Like they're cute together and whatnot, but she and I were talking last night and she made light of a situation that I don't think she should've. And then this morning when they walked out I saw the way that he insists on having his hand on her back while they walk. Most people would probably think it's nothing, but I thought it looked like he was trying to guide her a little too much... she looked like a piece of property. I don't like that one bit.
She always ends up with the wrong guys. I don't see her often but we talk online and whatnot. She always goes on about these fantastic guys that she's found and then a few months later she's completely heartbroken and I can see that she could've seen it coming. She's too much like me though. I've made a few realizations while I've been down here. Staying in a house with a bunch of chicks all from the same bloodline you learn a lot about yourself. We're all so similar and that's not necessarily a good thing. I realized that we're all the same in one distrubing way; we almost need men in our lives (in my case it's a little different because of my sexual orientation, but you get the point). We don't feel whole unless we're giving ourselves away. The problem is that there are far too many douchebags in the world. We give ourselves away to the wrong people. It's terrible to watch, but I do the same things. That's just who and how we are.
Speaking of... My love life, as always, is a little messy right now. Rob's watching my house and shit these days. He's lost it. Mom's talking about getting a P.P.O.
Sal is a big deal these days. We spend a lot of time together. He's a complete sweetheart, but I'm worried that this will just end badly like the last few. I'm far too trusting these days. We're taking it slow.
Robert called the other day. That kind of threw me. He just wanted to say hi, we talked for a minute. It was nice but really odd.
Anthony and Rachel are living together. They fight a lot. That whole situation is messy as hell as far as I can tell. I'm trying to stay out of it.
Uggg, I have to go. Mom wants me to help her clean haha