InsaneJournal

Current mood:

content

It's been forever
I haven't updated on here in ages. I haven't been writing at all much for the past few months. Well, other than starting my quote book...
I like quoting people. I have scraps of paper with quotes on them all over my room and one day I decided I should put it all in one place. I still haven't gotten EVERYTHING in there yet, but it's a pretty good chunk of quotes out of the world. I'm happy with it.
But I guess that's not really writing, just copying. I haven't written about myself in ages. I'm sort of having a hard time just with this.
I finally broke up with Dom in Mid-September. I was grounded at the time and he used that as a good opportunity to sleep around on me, I guess. I was sick of his shit anyway, it just took that to throw me far enough to actually dump his ass.
It ended with him saying some nasty shit and that's when I really realized what had happened to me. I wasn't myself, I was an idiot with him. Wreckless, stupid, immature as hell; the whole sha-bang.
It was a pretty good learning experience now that I look back though. Never again will a stupid boy (emphasis on 'BOY') make me question my own morals.
I'm doing a lot of moving on in my life right now. I'm really trying to lighten up (but that's been a work in progress for years...) and it's working. Slowly but surely.
I'm trying not to take everything so seriously, but not in the way I had over the summer. I care, it's just I'm trying not to let anything small ruin my days. I was freaking out about college the other day and then I just reminded myself that it's 2 fucking years away, I gotta mellow out lol. It worked.
I'm pretty happy with school right now. I've found that as long as I can force myself through my first 3 hours I'm ok for the day. The urges to ditch stop once I hit fourth because the rest of the day are blow-offs and photo.
I lovelovelove photo at this point. We had our Landscape assignment critique just yesterday and I got some pretty good remarks as well as some pretty good feedback. Prange's going to be showing me some tricks in the darkroom on the upcoming Portrait of a Friend assignment. Things like dodging and showing me better cropping techniques (not as easy as they sound, I promise). I'd live in the darkroom if they'd let me. There's no better rush in my opinion than watching your artwork, things you had captured days prior, appear on a piece of paper in a tray of chemicals. I'm a total nerd and I don't even care.
I LOVE IT.
Grandpa's talking about the possibility of giving me an old enlarger for Christmas, that'd be fantastic.
Mom and Michael won't be doing much for me for Christmas since I already got them to sign the papers commiting to pay for my $800 New York trip with the National Art Honor Society in the spring haha. Fine by me. They were talking about getting me a car, but they wouldn't let me keep it once I moved out anyway, it's like a temporary gift. A loaner car or a once in a lifetime tour of New York for SCHOOL. I'm goin to New York, Baby haha
I'll be going to Camp Cavell next month too. It's this big camping group therapy thing for school once a year. Teachers recommend like 20 kids a year and they go camping without any electronics for a weekend. Every year the kids come back with these amazing stories and bonds. I'm kind of curious to know if they brainwash them, I'll tell you once I get back. I'm going to have to get my hands on some nicotine patches whlie I'm there though. If I get caught smoking up there they'll call the cops, suspend me from school, and make my parents come and pick me up from Lexington lmfao. Not tryin to do that, man.
On the up-shot, I'm down to about 10 cigarettes a day (on a normal day). I only had 8 yesterday. Yay me!
I'm comin down off of a pretty good high compliments of the madre before the kids got home. Goodgoodgood shit. It's lasted about 4 fuckin hours haha.
OH, I've been cutting down on the intoxicants too. This is the first I've smoked since Saturday, before that it was the Sunday before. Damn, that's like once or twice a week. Intense.
I was just watching Unsolved Mysteries. This shit is sooo old. You can tell by the quality and camera work.
So I might as well just spit it out. There's new love in my life. Rob. RobRobRob.
He was the drummer in the band Anthony was in back in his like Freshmen year. We've known eachother forever. We started really getting to know eachother just before school got out for Summer. We talked on the phone a lot and then started writing letters.
He's fantastic. A great musician and visual artist. He's really spiritually in-tune. Optimistic, caring, gentle, cute, opinionated, thoughtful, loves nature, interested in philosophy, mature, kind, open. Ugggg he's amazing. We click so wonderfully. We want really similar things out of life too.
He brightens my days. He knows what to say and do without even asking.
He makes me happy, I make him happy and that's all that matters for now. He agrees. We agree on a lot of things.

So I have to go eat dinner. I'm sitting here in my hobo gloves and hot food sounds like the best idea ever. We got the gas turned back on, but they still won't turn it above 68 degrees =(
I'll try and get back to this soon, this wasn't a full update considering how long it's been.

As always,
Bee.